Good news bad news

Well I had my yearly woman check up. Good news didn't gain any weight in a years time. Bad news didn't lose any weight in a years time. Why does it seem when everything seems to be going wrong in your life you blame it on your weight. Its like I don't have a good job or not many friends because I am overweight. The more things go wrong the more you feel the need to feed the depression. I am not one to really talk about what is going on in my life, but at least here no one knows me and I can complain. As I'm typing this my life song in on the radio. "Stop and Stare" If you listen to the words its how I feel my life is going.

I try to go the way that would be the best for my family and myself and some how there is a road block or fork in the road. It seems I take the wrong detour. Don't get me wrong we are not living in the streets. We have a small two bedroom home. That is not worth anything. We have the neighbors from hell. For example last night the son-in-law shot a golf ball in our yard just missing my kitchen window. In the summer you know it doesn't get dark till after 9pm. Well that's when they decide to mow their lawn. The father likes to rev his motorcycle in his empty aluminium shed. You can just imagine what that sounds like.

My husband has not gotten a raise in over two years. I work for a nonprofit company. My work week is only 35 hours. Dont even get me started on health insurance.

Now to sum this all up I dont know if I am over weight because I am depressed or I am depressed because I am over weight!

Tried !!

I am feel that nothing I do will work. I decided if I don't start losing weight soon, I will go see if I can get the band. I girl I use to work with got one. She has had some problems with it but she has lost 70 lbs. I need to lose between 70 and 80 lbs. I go to the gym at least 5 times a week. I lift weights and do the bike or ski machine. I am trying to get back to the trend mill. Sometimes I think the more I work out the more I eat.

I can feel the difference in my muscles. My legs the most. Several people have told my arms look better. I just love that full stomach feeling. Also if I know I have food in my drawer at work and I am not hungry I will still eat it because its there.

So I will give myself a month and see what happens. Then I will really consider getting the band.

My Foot

Well I finally had to go to the doctors about my foot. I have tendonises in my foot. The doctor wrapped it and said dont use the tread mill till it heals. Which could be six weeks. I have been doing good on going to the gym. I go about five times a week. I have not lost any weight but I do feel a little more fit. I am still fare from being out of breath going up two flights of steps. I think when I can do that I will be very very happy. I think I might also start going some days twice a day. I will start off at first just two nights a week and see how I feel. I want to go into things just a bit to fast and then I get hurt. Which in the long run throws you back several weeks.

Bikes

Our whole family bought bikes. We have been riding the past two weekends. I'm still going to the gym using the treadmill. Sometimes my foot hurts. When its really brothering me I use the stationery bike at the gym. I am still struggle with what I eat. Some times I think my mind says hey your doing exercise so you can eat more. I want to eat healthy!
Just need to remember:

Everyday is a new day, every yesterday is the past. We start fresh everyday and if we make errors then they soon will be the past.

The Gym Workout

Today I decided to try something new at the gym. My normal route is the treadmill. On the treadmill I do between 30 and 40 minutes at the pace of a 20 minute mile. I try to do at least 15 minutes at a 5% incline. I have been doing this for about 3 weeks now. So today I tried the elliptical machine. I worked on for about 12 minutes and then did the treadmill for about 22 minutes. I have been doing some free weights at home. I am only using 3lbs weights but will move up to five in about a week.

As for eating I am trying to stay under 1500 calories a day. I cant say that it happens everyday but most days I am good. Sometimes I think when you know you are trying to eat least it makes you more hungry.

The Trainer

I have been going to the gym at least 5 days a week. I was just doing the treadmill at first and thought I would take my free hour with the trainer. I am very out of shape. I told the women this, also told her I was planning on doing this slowly. She told me to trust her. She worked me so hard I didn't think I would make it to my car. It took 4 days before I could walk without silently screaming. When I went back to the gym she asked me how I was doing and was wondering if I wanted to continue. I explained to her that I like to be able to walk. So no thank you. I understand you need to feel the burn to know your muscles are getting stronger, but this was so bad I had to crawl up the stairs at night.
The last two days I have spent about 42 mintues walking two miles at a incline of 1.5. The week before I was doing about 30 mintues at .5 incline.

The Battle

OK, I am still struggling with this issue. I ate a box of girl scout cookies at one sitting. This is a horrible place to be. It is hard to watch other people eat. To see them eat things you know would just increase your thighs by looking at it. I know I don't always make the right choices, but I try. I am really trying to add as much fiber as I can to my diet. What seems weird to me though, is that they say fiber is suppose to make you feel really full. For me for some strange reason when I eat a high fiber meal I seem to get really hungry.

So I decided to join a gym. I started today. I am taking it slow. I did the tredmill for 30 mintues today. I want to take it slow and steady. I want to work up to an hour on the tredmill and then start doing the weights. Plus being on the tredmill is kinda a place to do your deep thinking. You know what others call day dreaming. I will let you know how its going.